Sasuke and Squirrels with NaruSaku goodnes
by The Forsakened One
Summary: Sasuke has several bad days while naruto gets lucky more times than i can count! Read if you hate Sasuke and love NaruSaku! read and review. btw im not sure what to rate this so Just to be safe read the warning on the beggining
1. Sasuke's squirrel problem

A/N yea its another one shot……I know I should be writing my other fics but hey even I need some time to catch up with my life outside of Naruto…_What little of a life I have anyway. _Yea I don't even know why I wrote this I guess I was bored. Well even though it probably sucks please read and review. If anyone does like the story though for whatever reason and would like me to continue it please let me know. **Warning: Gay Sasuke and some mild adult themes. **

P.s. I really hate the fucking emo that is Sasuke and if I could I would kidnap Kishimoto and force him to kill Sasuke off in the manga/anime.

Disclaimer: Pulls covers over head …..five more minutes….

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Uchiha Sasuke new that when he woke up today would be a bad day. During training he jumped into a tree and accidently knocked over a fairly large pile of acorns. What was so bad about knocking acorns out of a tree you ask. Well it could be the fact that there was a semi large group of angry squirrels now trying to maul him. After so many kaiten jutsu's he managed to make it out of the squirrelly death trap and out to team sevens training ground. Of course he was greeted with the site of Naruto and Sakura cuddling under a tree and it almost made him vomit. Hiding his disgust he walked over to the couple…or more specifically Naruto.

"Oi dobe, Where's Kakashi-sensei?" After several moments of silence Sasuke repeated the question with a bit more authority in his tone. The response….Sakura straddled Naruto and began kissing him. This only proved ton infuriate him more so he walked straight up to the now lip locked pair and shoved Sakura off the blonde before pulling him to his feet.

"I asked you a question dobe! Whe….." That was all he could get out before a fist collided with the side of his head sending him flying. Sasuke became a shooting star sending him back into the Uchiha compound. Naruto was visibly shaking with fear at the show of monstrous strength. Sakura unclenched her fist and brushed the dust of off her clothes before turning to Naruto.

"Now that that's taken care of were where we? Ah yes I think we were here…" Sakura wrapped her arms around the blondes neck and then kicked out his legs from under him retuning them to the same position they were in before being rudely interrupted. Sakura kissed Naruto again and then began tracing the whisker like marks on his face. The response she got was Naruto purring…yes you heard, well read, right. Naruto was purring. Sakura giggled at his actions and then resumed the make out session. She released his lips before a sly smile spread across her face.

"Hey Naruto, How about we go back to my place for some more privacy…" Naruto blushed ten million shades of red and dumbly nodded in agreement.

Sasuke had burst through his roof and landed on his collection of gay porn mags effectively ruining them.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! It took me years to collect those. DAMN YOU SAKURA!!!!" His over dramatized actions alerted the still furious and now foaming at the mouth squirrels.

Ino was walking hand in hand with Chouji while looking for Shikamaru who had disappeared earlier to go cloud gazing. Chouji stopped walking and Ino nearly crashed into him.

"Hey! Why did you stop?" Chouji pointed to the ever growing cloud of dust that was getting closer and closer to them.

"What the hell is that?" Chouji shook his head indicating he had no idea. Ino climbed onto Chouji's shoulders while still staring. To her surprise she saw Sasuke running with a pack of angry squirrels behind him. Chouji managed to get out of the way and Sasuke ran right past them. Ino burst out laughing. Through her fits of laughter she grabbed Chouji's hand again and then proceeded to drag him off somewhere.

"Hey Ino were are we going?"

"I have to tell Sakura what we just saw!" With that the two began making there way to Sakura's apartment which also happened to be fairly close to were Naruto lived. Upon arriving at Sakura's place they knocked on the door. No answer. They knocked again and heard moving inside. Ino pulled out a spare key from her pocket and opened the door. Walking inside her eyes grew wide and a huge blush formed on her face. She quickly pushed Chouji out of the room and then turned her back. What exactly made her turn her back. Well It could have been that Naruto and Sakura were currently doing…ahem…on the kitchen table .XD. She backed out of the room and closed the door locking it behind her. Turning to Chouji she laughed lightly.

"Ill tell her later…" Shaking her head she let Chouji lead the way towards the nearest BBQ restaurant.

Sasuke had finally made it away from the squirrels when he ran into Kakashi. The raven haired teen glomped the Jounin. Kakshi was horrified by the teens behavior and tried to pry Sasuke off of him.

"What the hell…Sasuke get off me!!!" The Uchiha clinged even more to his sensei not wanting to let go. "That's it!" Kakashi grabbed an acorn off the ground and placed it in Sasukes ninja pouch. Kakashi counted down on his fingers. "Three, Two, One, Ah here they are." A large amount of squirrels jumped from the trees and tacked the Uchiha effectively mauling him before carrying him off to be further mauled. Kakashi whistled while walking away with his favorite book in hand knowing that he wouldn't be seeing Sasuke again for sometime.

Back at Sakura's Apartment Naruto and Sakura laid side by side with there fingers intertwined. Sakura propped herself up on leaned her face close to Naruto's before lightly kissing him. The blonde was still dazed was unable to do much at the moment. Sakura got a devilish look on her face making Naruto a little bit scared.

"So Naruto…. Ready for round two?" The fear was instantly stamped down and Naruto knew that it was going to be a long, long, enjoyably long night.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N I have no idea what inspired me to write this but oh well. Anyways please review and tell me what you think. If any of you think this is interesting enough that it should continue on to other humiliations of Sasuke and more romance between Naruto and Sakura then feel free to let me know.

The Forsakened One


	2. Naruto im so sorry but hey you get lucky

A/N Well I guess people wanted me to continue with this so what the hell. As with the last chapter this will deal with humiliations of Sasuke and of course Naruto getting lucky agai….i mean the ever growing romance of NaruSaku XD.** Warning there will be some adult themes and Sasuke will continue to be an emo faggot! When I say adult themes I mean it…you have been warned…Maybe I should change the rating to M…hmmm well what do you guys think?**

I Also want to point out that I received a private PM from some anon person idk and they threatened me because I like NaruSaku. I thought it was really funny and also really stupid at the same time. To whoever sent that I must congratulate you on giving me a good laugh.

Back to the story please read and review.

Disclaimer: …Five more minutes…

Naruto woke up to find himself underneath an overturned table wich he had apparently used for a blanket. Sakura was clutching onto his arm next to him. His clothes, along with Sakura's, was hanging from the ceiling stitched into a large flag that said "Hail The Cherry Blossom" Naruto stared stupidly for a few seconds.

"What the hell did I take yesterday?" Flipping the table off of himself and Sakura he picked her up bridal style and carried her over to her bed. Now what he had somehow failed to realize is that his little, okay not little but you get what I mean, soldier was standing at attention. (A/N To all guys out there…Don't you just hate that in the morning.) Sakura stirred in her sleep from the constant poking on her back. Naruto reached the bed and was going to set her down nicely when, **Im so sorry Naruto, **he tripped on his own feet falling foreword. Sakura luckily landed on the soft bed. Naruto on the other hand had hit the edge of the bed…more specifically he had hit a mans important place on the side of the bed. There was an audible snap and a piercing scream filled the room. Sakura shot up and looked t the floor seeing Naruto rolling on the floor clutching at a certain spot.

"Naruto what's wrong!?!" She jumped of the bed and landed next to him. She attempted to get him to release his manhood but he was still rolling in pain. Pinning him she forced his hands off and stared in horror at…okay you guys get it. "Naruto…what the hell did you do to yourself!?!"

"Blame your bed!!!" Naruto was openly crying at this point and Sakura tried to comfort him.

"There there Naruto ill make it all better." With a grin she held her hands around, yes around not touching, the problem area and started to apply healing techniques with that green chakra. The pain was slowly subsiding and Naruto found that it was…pleasurable…of how the green chakra felt in that area. Before long he was healed up completely and had also reached a critical point. Feeling very satisfied he leaned back…unfortunately I don't believe his girlfriend was very happy at the moment.

"Naruto look what you did…Its all over my hands now…" Sakura got up and went to the bathroom to wash her hands while Naruto climbed into Sakura's bed. He was about to doze off when Sakura started shaking him back and forth.

"Oh no you don't! now that im up you are going to repay me for healing you. Don't worry im sure youll find this very…Pleasurable. A sinister smile found its way onto Sakuras lips and Naruto gulped.

"_Oh crap…"_

Sasuke woke up in a ditch with a splitting headache. Groaning he shielded his eyes from the sun and sat up surveying his surroundings. All movement stopped when he saw the pack of squirrels sleeping soundly around him.

"_Oh crapOh crapOh crapOh crapOh crapOh crapOh crapOh crap!!!"_ He slowly got to his feet pausing whenever a squirrel twitched. He got to his feet and started to tip toe out of the ditch. Unfortunately, well its fortunate for us, he tripped over himself and landed in a large pile of squirrel waste.

"Oh god Damnit….its even in my mouth!!!" He slammed his hands over his mouth when he realized that he said that rather loudly. He slowly turned his head around and saw the squirrels surrounding him. "Not again!" Sasuke jumped up and ran as fast as he could away from the ditch. The squirrels were right on his tail as he ran down the street shrieking like an idiot. He rounded a corner and ran directly into a clothesline knocking him to the ground. Attempting to catch his breath he didn't feel the squirrels hooking his feet together with the clothesline. He did however feel when they started to drag him. Screaming like a twelve year old school girl he clawed at the ground attempting to get away. The only thing that accomplished was leaving marks in the ground as he was dragged away. Grabbing a kunai out of his holster he slammed it into the ground and felt satisfied when he stopped. A squirrel ran across his back and sat at the top of his head before looking the Uchiha straight in the eyes. There was a moment of silence as the two stared at each other before the squirrel started to claw at the Uchiha's face. Letting go off the kunai the squirrels started to drag him off again back towards the ditch.

"NOOOO MY BEAUTIFOL FACE!!!" He would have ranted on more about his face but a large pot shattered over his face.

"Keep it down im trying to eat over here!"

The Uchiha became unconscious and the squirrels dragged him off into the ditch were they continued the mauling from last night. The anbu would have helped the boy out but hey even they need entertainment so they pulled up lawn chairs and opened up a couple of beers.

Naruto was staring up at the ceiling feeling very, very dazed but also extremely satisfied. He looked over at the girl next to him who was once again clutching onto his arm while her hair was covering her face. Brushing it away he kissed her on the cheek and nuzzled her face. Chibi Naruto, that is the Naruto in his mind, was currently passed out from blood loss but if he had been awake he would have been doing the numa numa dance in celebration of what had occurred.

Uzumaki Naruto had just gotten lucky six more times that day.

A/N yea couldn't think of anything else to add so this is what you get. Please dont ask were I got any of this from or why I put in the numa numa thing I just thought it was entertaining and funny.


	3. Sorry for taking so long!

A/n Okay yea…sry for not updating this fic…or any of my other fics for that matter but hey I had things to do…anyways heres the next chappy. Oh and before I forget I think people kinda missed my a/n on the 2nd chapter. The romance between Naruto and Sakura is sex filled but it is a romance non the less. And heres the warning too. **Warning there will be some adult themes and Sasuke will continue to be an emo faggot! When I say adult themes I mean it…you have been warned…**

**You have no idea how much fun it is to torture this emo.**

Disclaimer: haha yea that's funny…

---------------------------------

For what seem like the hundredth time Sasuke woke up in a ditch surrounded by sleeping squirrels. Inwardly groaning he rubbed his eyes and tried to get up….until he felt something holding him down. His eyes widened and focused upon the makeshift chains that bound him to the ground.

"Its just made of small strips of wood. Theres no way this could hold me." Sasuke started yanking at the wood trying to break it….what he didn't notice was the thorn sticking out right were his hands were placed.

"GOD DAMNIT WHAT THE FUCK!!!" Cringing he looked around him. The beady little eyes of the squirrels were looking back at him with a strange intent. Sasuke paled before struggling once again to get free. "C'mon break you little bastard!" Sasuke managed to look up just in time to see a rather large squirrel flying through the air. Its choice of landing…..why his face of course. The little nails scratched his face and Sasuke screamed out. He managed to break the bindings with a surge of adrenaline. He grabbed the squirrel that was on his face and threw it off to the side. Jumping to his feet he raced out of the ditch and ran down the street.

For those of you who want a funnier/ scarier image of Sasuke picture imagine his face is caked with squirrel crap and his clothes are pretty much shredded running down the streets screaming bloody murder aka like a little school girl.

Sasuke's dignity might have survived intact if he was only seen by the villagers, well we cant have him surviving this fic now can we. The council was just happening to be around at this time eating breakfast in a small restaurant discussing how the Uchiha was a fine specimen. Danzou being the idiot that he was, was praising the Uchiha for showing no fear in any situation even against Orochimaru or his older brother. Right in the middle of his long speech Sasuke broke through the window still screaming bloody murder, trampled Danzou's face and then crashed through another window.

"What the hell….Wasnt that Uchiha Sasuke." One council member pointed out. Danzou was unfortunately knocked uncouncious by sasukes trampling so he was out of the picture.

"Indeed that was Sasuke…but what was…he running from!?!?!" This council member was cut off when a large pack of squirrels entered through the shattered window. They seemed to bicker among themselves for a moment now that there quarry had escaped but stopped when the saw the unconscious man that that they were standing on. They bickered once more before grabbing Danzou and dragging him through the window. The council could only watch as there supposed council head was dragged away.

Sasuke had made it to the other side of Konoha by the time he figured it would be safe to stop. He hid down a dark alley to catch his breath before he went anywhere else. He slid down against the wall and sat on the ground. However something prickly was stabbing him so he reached down and pulled up acorn shells.

"_NOOOOO!!!!!! Why is it that every where I go there here!!! _WHAT THE FUCK!!!!" Sasuke gulped once…..twice…and then a third time. Breathing a sigh of relief he calmed down and figured his next move. Well that was a plan until someone in an oversized trench coat walked up to him. Sasuke being an idiot he is responded in the only way he knows how….yup by pissing them off.

"What do you want!?!" The person in the trench coat stopped merely a foot away from Sasuke. "Well?" Sasuke was starting to get impatient so he grabbed one of the acorns around his feet and threw it at the persons face. It bounced off harmlessly or so he thought. The trench coat fell to the ground and Sasuke shuddered. "_You have got to be joking…" _There sitting  
on top of each other was a large number of squirrels who quickly descended upon the Uchiha.

**Enough of the emo lets go see what Naruto and Sakura are up to.**

Naruto once again woke up with a feeling of extreme satisfaction which was clearly evident on his face. Sakura was already stirring and was bound to wake up at any minute. Naruto took this time to just kinda kick back and relax. Even with the high amount of stamina it seemed that Sakura could easily match him and match him she did for two days in a row. Sighing in satisfaction he looked up at the ceiling and spoke.

"I have got to be the luckiest guy ever to have someone like her."

"Most guys would kill to be in your position right now." Naruto could only nod in agreement at that statement. He saw Sakura's face inches away from his own and all he could do was smile even though he was about to explode in happiness. Sakura leaned down to kiss him but stopped only centimeters away. Naruto was confused at her expression.

"What's wrong?" Sakura looked like she was trying to listen for something.

"Don't you hear that…..it sounds….like…." She trailed off but she ddnt have to finish for now Naruto heard it too.

"Ba-chan….and ERO-SENNIN!?!?!" the two nearly fell out of bed as they tried to find there clothes. Naruto looked back at the flag on his wall and sighed. "Uhhh….Sakura-chan…." Sakura was freaking out because she couldn't find her clothes anywere.

"Not now Naruto im trying to find my things!"

"There right up there." Naruto pointed to the wall and Sakura followed….only she wasn't exactly thrilled when she saw that her clothes were sowed together with Naruto's.

"Dammit! Naruto do you…." She didn't get to finish for at that moment the door to Naruto's apartment opened and Tsunade with Jiraiya in tow walked in.

"Hey Naruto we needed to…talk with….you….for..a…." Jiraiya's eyes widened and blood started leaking from his nose. Tsunade just stared there dumbly with her mouth gaping like a fish. Naruto had taken a pillow off his couch and was covering his "area" while Sakura stood behind him only allowing her face to show.

"Ummm….Ba-chan…Ero-sennin….So uh…what brings you here…" Naruto would have scratched his head but then the pillow would have fallen. Sakura just kinda pressed into Naruto more. Tsunade pointed at the two and tried to form a coherent sentence. Jiraiya was the only one out of the group able to move about freely.

"YES!!! Its about damn time Naruto and with Tsunade's apprentice no less. Ho Ho this will make a revolutionary new Icha Icha!!!" As soon as he mentioned that book Tsunade came out of her daze and connected her fist with the perverts face. Jiraiya smacked against the wall and fell into an unconscious heap. Naruto gulped at her display of power.

"_I really hope she doesn't use that on me…" _He and Sakura took an involuntary step back from the Hokage. Tsunade just straightened herself out and looked Naruto straight in he eye. She smiled softly and marched straight up to him. When she was only about a foot away she bent down to be level with Naruto.

"Ne Naruto…you know that shes my apprentice riiiight?" She dragged it out for emphasis and Naruto gulped before Nodding. "You know that she has my, as you say, monstrous strength?" Naruto nodded once more. Tsunade smiled sweetly before turning into a raging lunatic. "THEN DON'T HURT HER OR ILL PERSONALLY DRAG YOU DOWN TO HELL MYSELF!!!!!!!!!" Naruto was literally shaking. Tsunade cleared her throat and then smiled sweetly again. "Well than now that that's taken care of ill just grab Jiraiya and we'll be on our way. Have fun." She grabbed hold of Jiraiya's ankles and then dragged him through the front door. Naruto started foaming at the mouth before collapsing onto the ground.

"Naruto!" Sakura got down next to him and propped him up. " Naruto….Naruto….NARUTO!!!" He jolted straight up almost smacking Sakura in the face. He was breathing heavily and looked really pale. He slowly turned his head to Sakura.

"Ba-chan's really scary when she's like that…" Sakura just laughed lightly and then hugged him around the neck. They stayed like that for a few moments until Sakura dragged him back to the bedroom. Naruto's fright was immediately forgotten.

**Unfortunately its back to the Emo faggot….Wait I get to torture him….XD lol I really don't like him**

When Sasuke woke up he found himself hanging from a tree ducked taped to Danzou. He tried to struggle a little bit but found the heat from under him was making things worse for him.

"_Where the fuck is that heat coming from?" _Sasuke looked down and saw a giant pot of boiling water with a sea of squirrels surrounding it each one throwing an acorn into the pot. "_You have got to be joking!!!!!" _He felt the rope lurch a little and looked up. On the tree limb was a squirrel who was slowly chewing through the rope. Sasuke paled…

**A/N** Well that's all you get for right now. I want the ending to be extremely good so im saving a lot of good things for the next and I believe the final chapter to this short little fic….Wait I lied next chapter is going to be the 2nd to last chapter….the finale is going to be hysterical or I hope so. Anyways review and tell me what you think okay.

The Forsakened One


	4. Illusion of the mind or a cheap trick

A/N nothing really to say so yea enjoy this chapter cuz the next one is gonna be the last.

**Disclaimer: Im currently surrounded by evil Nazis aka lawyers so yea….**

Previously in this little ficlet of mine Sasuke was left dangling above a boiling pot with Danzou duck taped to him while a little scamp of a squirrel was…I believe chewing threw the duck tape. It now comes down to this. Who will win? The Squirrels or an emo prick….personally my moneys on the Squirrels but hey that's just me. Now before I get off topic by my ramblings lets get back to the story.

"_Think Sasuke Think!!! Theres gotta be a way out of this!" _As Sasuke pondered his imminent doom by the hands of the little furry creatures Danzou decided to be a douche.

"What the….Squirrels? I got kidnapped by friggen Squirrels!?!" He started struggling In the duck tape bindings wich only succeeded in breaking what little tape was supporting them.

"Oh Shit…..FUCK!!!!!!" Sasuke felt the tape give and the two were sent hurtling to the ground…or rather the giant boiling pot. "I am not going to die by the likes of you!" He grabbed Danzou and pulled him underneath him.

"HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOIN!?!" Sasuke just smirked before using Danzou as leverage to jump to safety on a nearby branch. Sasuke had survived certain doom by the hands of Squirrels…Danzou did not. When he hit the water a wire was tripped and a giant heavy lid fell on the opening to the pot effectively sealing the shrieking man inside. Sasuke sweat dropped.

"What kind of Squirrels are these?" He failed to notice the one sitting directly next to him.

"Squeak!" Sasuke froze. Turning very slowly to add to his own suspense he saw a baby one sitting there. Bending down every so slowly he offered his hand out.

"Hey little guy…Im not gonna SONOVABITCH!!!" The Baby squirrel latched onto sasukes hand an Sasuke needless to say lost his footing. I could just say that he fell of and hit the ground were squirrels mauled him but I think it would be funnier if I said that when he lost his balance his legs went in different directions causing him to fall onto the branch. More importantly a specific part of the human anatomy hit the branch wich some of you may find ackward because well I think we all doubt if he has anything there. Sasuke was about to shriek in pain but it never came.

"Huh…getting hit theres not as painful as everyone says…." Sasuke was about to swing himself back into a standing position but another squirrel landed on his face casuing him to go the edge. The squirrel with the baby in tow landed safely on the ground. Sasuke did not. His face smashed straight into the pot effectively rendering him unconscious.

**I would go more into but lets go over to Naruto and Sakura and see whats going on. **

"YOU GOT ME PREGNANT!!!!" An enraged Sakura was using whatever wasn't bolted to the ground to hit a cowering Naruto who had used the fridge door as cover.

"Sakura dodges cutlery Chan, it was an accident!"

"AN ACCIDENT, MY CHILD IS AN ACCIDENT NOW!!!"

"Hey its mine too…." A stove hit the fridge door causing Naruto to be flung into…I mean through the wall behind him landing in the room next door.

"GET BACK HERE UZUMAKI!!!!!" Naruto for the first time in his life ignored Sakura and crawled out a window. He could hear her still fuming and shouting but he thought in his best health and if he ever wanted to see his child when it was born he should find somewhere safe.

"Geez what the hell am I suppose to do?" Naruto sat down on the roof of the building and pondered. What he forgot was that his apartment was on the top floor and directly under were he was sitting so imagine his surprise when a hand suddenly burst through the roof and grabbed his ankle. "Oh crap…" With a yank he was pulled through the roof and into the apartment below were an enraged Kunoichi waited to bludgeon him.

**Because Naruto is my favorite character I am going to spare him any more pain and now focus on Sasuke's pain. **

When Sasuke woke up he found himself staring at a white ceiling.

"_I must be in the hospital…" _He tried to sit up but found himself unable to. He looked down and saw he was in restraints. "What the FUCK!!!" He started to struggle but didnt get to far when he was zapped. "OW! What the…" He struggled against the restraints one more time and received a very painful shock. "Okay two questions. 1. why am I in restraints and 2. WHY AM I GETTING SHOCKED!?!" His question was answered a few moments later when a doctor walked into the room.

"Your being restrained because you been a hazard to yourself and your fellow shinobi and you getting zapped is for our entertainment….i mean to stop you from trying to escape." The doctor smiled a big smile and then checked Sasuke over. Well you seem to be healthy….well for the most part.

"For the most part? What the hell does that mean!" The doctor said nothing and continued his check. "I asked you a question!" The doctor rubbed his head sheepishly.

"Sorry I didn't hear you, er um…what was your question?" Sasuke's right eye twitched.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN FOR THE MOST PAR….!!!" The doctor slammed an oxygen mask over the Uchihas mouth and nose and turned a nozzle to the on position.

"I mean for the most part you've been having paranoid delusions that squirrels were attacking you and that you also attacked Danzou…why you put him in a pot of boiling water is beyond me…Now sleep time!" Sasuke was about to object but found he was to tired to. His eyes were getting heavy and his head could barely stay straight. Finally succumbing to the wonder that is N2O the doctor chuckled and walked out of the room.

"So…did it work?" The doctor turned to the side to see Yuhi Kurenai leaning against the wall. There was a small poof and a little puff of smoke wich disperced quickly. Standing in its place was the Godaime Hokage.

"Like a charm. I must say that that was an incredible genjutsu." Kurenai laughed.

"It's a good thing you had that team of Anbu in on this or we would never had been able to pull it off. Oh Tsunade-Sama look!" Tsunade looked at the ground in front of her and saw a furry little squirrel sitting there waiting.

"**I take it the plan worked out Tsunade-Sama…" **The little squirrel summon spoke as it crawled onto the said womans shoulder.

"Thanks to you." The little squirrel squeaked.

"**We have held up our end of the bargain now it is time you held up yours…" **Tsunade sighed.

"Fine, Fine what do you want?" The squirrel hesitated for a moment.

"**A summoner…" **Tsunade sweat dropped.

"Um…and uhhh…do you have anyone in mind?" Tsunade rubbed the back of her head and the squirrel squeaked once more.

**Back with Naruto**

Naruto was sitting on a partially demolished couch stroking the hair of the sleeping woman who had decided to use his lap as her pillow.

"_Damn it's a good thing she stopped hitting me with stuff…If she had anymore stamina I probably would have been killed. I can understand though why she would get worked up though." _Naruto looked down at the sleeping face and couldn't help but smile. He brushed a few stray strands of hair out of her face and she cuddled up more into him. "_And to think were going to be parents…" _

**A/N alright next chapter Is going to be the last one so hopefully it will be as good as the earlier chapters. So how is it. Good. Bad… I wont know unless you review. **


	5. Ending

**A/N Yea im sorry that this took so long to get out but I had shit to do…that seems to be the only excuse authors use….anyways yea heres the next chapter…Wait…I think this is the last chapter **TT…. **Okay well I hope that this was up to your standards. It may not be as funny though….**

**Disclaimer: I have nothing……**

"YOU GOT HER PREGNANT!?!?!?!?!" Well this looks familiar doesn't it? Here we find Naruto hiding behind an overturned desk except instead of Sakura trying to kill him we now have The Godaime Hokage.

"Wait Baa…" A very large pan smacked him straight in the face.

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT!!!" Tsunade picked up the unconscious boy and started to shake him violently back and foreword. When Naruto started to foam at the mouth Sakura stepped in.

"Um Tsunade-Shishou…As much as I appreciate you …well…what im trying to say is that id rather my child have a father, so if you would hold off on killing him…" Tsunade dropped Naruto into a crumpled heap and walked back to her chair.

"So…I take it from that statement that your keeping it." Sakura nodded. Tsunade rubbed her temples and pondered for a moment. "Well then were going to have to rearrange yours and Naruto's Schedule's so that you two can get things situated. Along with that neither of you are going to get a mission above a c rating….." At this Naruto shot up.

"WHAT!!!!!!" Of course he was quickly silenced by another pan….were the pan came from no one knows. Tsunade continued her talk with Sakura so both were too busy to even realize that Naruto was being dragged out the door. When he came to the only thing he saw was a squirrel directly in front of his face. "Were the fuck did that frying pan come from…." Naruto groggily sat up and the squirrel climbed onto his shoulder.

"**Well you see Naruto-sama….we were playing a game that involves frying pans….the object of the game is to…..well simply put its like dodge ball…only with frying pans…." **Naruto just looked dumbly at the furry thing.

"So….let me get this straight…..you hit me with a frying pan?"

"**Unfortunately it seems so Naruto-sama." **

"And how are you going to make this up to me?"

"**Torment of the Uchiha?" **

"You hit the nail on the head now get at it!" The squirrel scurried off to the side and jumped threw a nearby window. Naruto just shook his head and laid back down. In a few short moments he heard the shriek of terror coming from the hospital. Naruto chuckled to himself. "Hahaha Teme….always there for a good laugh…" Naruto laid there for a few more minutes before getting up. Of course as luck would have it the door to Tsunade's office was flung open and it nailed Naruto in the face sending him backwards into a wall. Shizune's head popped around the corner and stared.

"Umm Naruto….Naruto?" Naruto twitched slightly but beyond that laid motionless. "Umm Tsunade I think we have a problem…" Tsunade sighed and rubbed her temples.

"Naruto theres a lot of free ramen in here!!!!" Silence…Tsunade gaped. "Ramen didn't work…huh….well then lets see…..SAKURA STOP STRIPPING!!!" Sakura faced her teacher with an awkward expression.

"Eh!?!?!?! Don't say something like that out lo…."

"What about Sakura?" Naruto was standing wide awake near the door. Tsunade smirked.

"Well it seems that you have a huge effect on him Sakura…even more than ramen…" Sakura sighed.

"I don't know whether if that's a compliment or an insult…." Tsunade laughed at that remark while Naruto just remained in the doorway utterly confused.

"What the…_maybe I should leave now before they try and kill me again…_" For once Naruto actually had a good idea. He turned around slowly and tip toed away from the door. He actually made it to the staircase before he heard Tsunade's booming voice. Instantly he dropped to the ground in the feudal position and waited for the inevitable. His eyes twitched as a shadow fell over him and he cracked one open to see who it was and why he wasn't dead yet. Standing above him was Kakashi reading his perverted orange book.

"Yo." The lazy nin gave a half assed wave and continued reading.

"_Stupid Kakashi-sensei aways reading those books…geez if I got caught with that book I would be…killed…" _Naruto grinned to himself. "Oi, Kakashi-sensei, Baa-chan needs to see you right now!" Naruto mentally crossed his fingers.

"Hm, must be another mission…" Kakshi just shrugged and walked into Tsunades office. Naruto jumped up and ran in the other direction. The screams of the copy nin could be heard from suna.

Naruto grimaced at the sound but thought it was better Kakashi then himself. He grinned and landed on the ground were a small squirrel seemed to be waiting for him.

"**Naruto-sama, the Uchiha has been restrained by several…..high voltage bindings….its easier to say that it was entertaining." **Naruto just laughed to himself and picked up the furry little creature.

"Damn I wish I could have seen it….tell me….how funny was it?"

"**You would have wet yourself…." **Naruto just laughed even more. **"Is there anything else you need us for Naruto-sama?" **Naruto shook his head.

"No that's it for now but ill summon you again if I need ya…oh yea and here take this…" Naruto pulled out a rather large bag that was chocked full of nuts. The squirrel shrieked with delight and tackled the bag. It scurried off into a corner were it proceeded to pet the bag before disappearing into a puff of smoke. Realizing that it would be some time before Tsunade or Sakura would be calm enough not to rip him to shreds he needed some place to lay low.

Well Naruto was never one for thinking to clearly…unless in a battle….but that's not the case here for he picked, of all places, the top of the Yondaimes head. He stood looking out over the village, the village that shunned him, that almost destroyed him and yet he was still standing. He never succumbed to madness.

"Maybe patience does pay off in the end….." Naruto smirked once more before sitting down…just as the sun started to set.

**A/N Well people…that's it…I actually finished a story. Oh sure its only what five chapters but meh. Parts of this were fun to write…others not so much. Anyways now I have more time to focuse on ROTF and SE.**


	6. Epilogue

A/N Yay for a case of massive writers block eh….

Anyways some of you figured I needed an epilogue for this story and to tell you truth I feel that one is necessary as well…So well here you go. Hopefully it is humorous in some sense….prolly not but meh…

So read, enjoy, and then please review…

**Disclaimer:****I don't own Naruto or any characters….All I own are the furry little squirrels that keep me up at night….**

Epilogue

Its been nearly two year since Sasuke's mental breakdown….or so everyone believes…During the time away Naruto and Sakura had actually gotten Married. Of course they waited until after the child was born because

Naruto would rather not die on his Honeymoon. And

Sakura said she didn't want to look like a cow when she was wearing her wedding dress.

There wedding actually went off without a hitch. And of course the after party was one to remember considering it was the first time ever that Naruto got drunk, much to Sakura's dismay. Well until she saw what a fun drunk he was. The following day after the wedding they took there vacation and the three of the Uzumaki's went to Wave to visit Inari and everyone else.

Now before I forget, they had a beautiful baby girl that had pink hair, blue eyes, and vey faint whisker birthmarks. Too put it simply Naruto and Sakura couldn't have been happier.

So now this is were we pick up our story back at Konoha, more precisely at the Hokage's tower.

XXXXXXXX

Sakura walked into the Godaime's office carrying the little bundle of joy, who they decided to name Kira.

"Hey shishou guess who's here!" Tsunade looked up from the mounds of paper work and smiled when she saw the squirming child.

"Well if it isn't Sakura and my little grandchild." Tsunade walked over to them and took the little girl from Sakura's arms. "Hey there kiddo…" A little arm came up and grabbed one of Tsunade's pigtails and gave a short yank.

"Oww….Geez what a strong grip you have there…Now that was something you definitely inherited from your mother. Her and her _Monstrous Strength!_"

"SHISHOU!!! Not even Naruto gets away with saying that!"

"So? What are you going to do to me? I'm the Hokage remember…Besides I'm just teasing you." Sakura walked over to Tsunade and her daughter. "So Sakura…Wanna tell me what happened earlier with this little one and her Father?" Sakura laughed a little bit at the memory.

**Earlier with Naruto**

"Geez…what the hell am I suppose to do. I cant go anywhere with Kira sleeping…and those damn squirrels are of screwing around with Sasu….ke….THATS IT!!!!" Naruto grinned mischievously. He ran into the other room and gently woke up his daughter gently. He scooped her up and gently rocked her knowing she was about to cry. When that little bit of danger passed he cradled her firmly against himself and took off out of the window. Kira squealed and giggled as Naruto jumped from rooftop to rooftop.

"_She really likes this…" _Unfortunately Kira's enjoyment ended as they landed on a window sill. Kira looked like she was about to throw a fit but Naruto calmed her down and gave her a kiss on the forehead resulting in the little girl silence. Naruto slid the window open and jumped inside.

"We meet again….Teme." Naruto mocked at the sleeping Uchiha. He noticed several of his squirrel summons running about and he motioned for them. When they drew near the largest of them spoke.

"**Naruto-sama, it is good to see you. To what do we owe this encounter?" **

"You can drop the 'Sama' I'm only here looking for some amusement…maybe something my daughter can participate in…" He sat down on the floor with Kira in his lap.

"**Actually we have just the thing." **One of the other squirrels pushed over a remote of some kind.

"What's this?"

"**That Naruto-sama is the remote to the electrical restraints on the Uchiha." **Naruto had a huge smile plastered on his face.

"Really now…hmm…Well Kira, do you want to electrocute the Teme?" Kira giggled and reached out for the remote. "Well I think that's a yes!" One of the Squirrels picked up the remote and allowed for Kira to grab onto it. She hit one of the buttons and in seconds Sasuke jumped in his restraints.

"WHAT THE FUCK!!!! WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING WITH THAT GODDAM REMOTE!?!?!?!?!?!"

"Calm down Teme, there are children present."

"DAMN YOU DOBE AND YOURE DAU…SONUVABITCH…AAAAAAH!!!!" Thanks to Kira's timely intervention the Uchiha's yelling was cut short and now only his screams could be heard. Naruto just leaned back and let his daughter have all the fun she wanted and trust me she was having fun.

It wasn't until about thirty minutes later that the Machine which the remote was controlling started to smoke and spark. Naruto just looked at it for a little bit.

"Huh…well that can't be good…" It wasn't until one of the electrical devices blew up that Naruto started to back out of the room with his daughter. He quickly backed out of the room and the squirrel summons closed the door. Kira was still playing with the remote. Naruto smirk returned.

"Hey Kira…why don't you turn press and hold this button" he pointed to it, "And then something really funny is going to happen!" Kira audibly "voiced" her excitement and did as her Father had motioned. The Screams of the Uchiha and the Malfunctioning of the restraints became louder and louder until…

**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

The door was blown of its hinges and a Sasuke, screaming like a 12 year old school girl, came running out of the room bursting in flames. He looked like one of his Kaiten Jutsus. He kept running around in circles and zig zag motions, Kira giggling madly in the background and Naruto joining her in the laughter. To add to Kira's excitement, In Sasuke's mad attempt to run around he seemed to have run face first into a wall. He fell to the ground where the fires consumed him.

"Naruto-dono…as funny as this mat be to you and your daughter this is a fire hazard…and a big one….so for the safety of the other patients I am going to have to put it out.", said the Anbu member who was holding a fire extinguisher.

"Yea, yea I figured. Well go ahead." With that the Anbu fired the Extinguisher and coated Sasuke with the white foam. (**Haha innuendo…sorry about that I couldn't resist…")** He was out in seconds, Kira however was still giggling . "Well that was fun while it lasted…" The Anbu walked over to him and leaned closed.

"I managed to tape all of this with the Hospitals security system…I will be making copies of it…" Naruto laughed.

"I definitely want a copy of this!" Sasuke, who was still on the ground, twitched a bit and sat up.

"oh…my head…hey what the…what the hell is this white stuff!?" The Uchiha's voice was starting to rise and Naruto didn't want to hear it so he motioned for the squirrels, who proceeded to slap a piece of Duct tape over his mouth and dragged him into another room adjacent to the one he was previously held in.

"**Naruto-sama, another restraint system was set up in case the other one ceased its functions…if you wish you and your daughter could continue in there."**

"Nah, we'll save that for another day…besides I'm pretty sure Sakura-chan is going to want to know about this."

"**As you wish Naruto-sama." **The squirrel bounded into the other room to help attach the restraints back onto the Uchiha.

**Present Time**

Tsunade and Sakura shared a good laugh.

"Next time Naruto plans to do that I want to know, it sounds like a good show."

"Same here Shishou…"

"Well it looks like that story was enough to put Kira to sleep." True enough Kira was fast asleep with a smirk of satisfaction on her lips.

"Its almost hard to believe this is real…" Sakura said as a solitary tear fell down her face and landed on the tip of Kira's nose.

"Sakura…"

"I mean I'm married, I have a beautiful baby girl…I don't think I could be any happier!"

"Really now…Just wait though…"

"Huh…for what…"

"Well for one thing Naruto's going to become Hokage and plus he's probably going to want another kid…"

"Another one…doesn't sound to bad…but why do you think Naruto would want another one?"

"Simple…he wants to pass on his name…plus there are going to be a thing or two that Kira probably wont be able to learn from him….She may have his blood running through her veins but she doesn't have any trace of the Kyuubi which means its going to stay dominant in Males…"

"I see…well that only means one thing…"

"And that is…Sakura?

"If I'm this happy now…then the future is going to make me even happier!


End file.
